Taste of Kiwi: Blog of Author Shelley Munro

There’s no doubt about it – writing humor is difficult. Something I think is hysterical, you might consider only worthy of a yawn. What I think is funny might offend you. People who live in different parts of the world have different senses of humor. That said, there’s nothing better than reading a book that makes you laugh.

Our Snippet Saturday topic this week is characters interacting with humor. Reviewers often state my books contain humor and one that was particularly popular is Fancy Free. Just to get you all up to speed – Alice has inherited a condom company. She’s finding the condom business a bit different and, after her first day at work, she drinks more than she should when she visits the local pub. James, the company manager, escorts her home and ends up staying the night…

Oh, I should mention…there are a few naughty words ahead…

Fancy Free by Shelley Munro

“Ooh,” she murmured when she finally floated back into her body—because this had definitely been a wonderful out-of-body experience—and relaxed liked a cooked spaghetti noodle.

“Was it good for you?” James asked.

Alice belatedly remembered that she had and he hadn’t come. Tactful answer required. Guys, she’d heard from various gossipy sources, became a little tetchy when it came to sex and not getting any. Alice stared at his erect penis. It looked large and red and bad-tempered. It gave an angry twitch while she gawked.

“Um…” Alice glanced up to scan James’ face. “I…yes…” She stared. The man’s face screwed up as if he suffered great pain or else he—

The wretch was laughing at her. She tapped him sharply on one bulging biceps. “Yes, it was good for me,” she snapped. “Why are you laughing?”

A tentative knock sounded on the door and his laughter cut off abruptly. They glanced at each other in silent communication mode, Alice scrunching her brows together in answer to his raised brow.

“Alice? Are you awake? Breakfast is ready.”

She stared at the wooden door in horror. Had she made a lot of noise? Her gaze darted to James and he pantomimed for her to answer.

“I’m up. Won’t be long,” Alice called out. She strove for a woman-of-the-world tone, but her reply fell in the feeble, scared zone. It must have reassured Lindy because she heard receding footsteps before silence fell. She turned to stare at James.

He shook his head, a rueful grin on his lips. “Well, Ms. Beasley. You’re not the only one who’s up. A fine mess you’ve got us in this time.”

“Why is it my fault? I’ve heard you’re a playboy and a cad.” The minute she said the words she wanted to take them back.

“Ah, you’ve read Ms. Knowall’s column. You’re quite right. I am a playboy and a cad.” He stood and picked up his clothes, dressing with an elegance that she admired. “You should remember that and stay well away from me.”

“I’m sorry.” Obviously she’d said the wrong thing.

“No problem. I’ll see you at work.” He strode over to the door, opened it and stepped into the passage. A soft click sounded when he closed it.

Alice heard footsteps and then the murmur of voices. Color swept to her cheeks when she imagined what Lindy would think. If inheriting a condom company hadn’t already ruined her reputation, then she’d probably done the job now by letting James Bates, sexy bad boy, spend the night in her bedroom.

Alice climbed from the bed, self-conscious of her nakedness now. Avoiding her reflection in the mirror, she scuttled through to the small en suite and jumped under the shower, letting the water pour over her hair and face. Five minutes later, dressed in a gray trouser suit, she made her way into the kitchen for breakfast. The wooden table was set for three with floral placemats and coordinated napkins. A posy of spring flowers in the center of the table added to the Victorian theme. The rich scent of coffee floated in the air. Lindy Redcliff stood at the stove, spatula in hand, humming along to a top-forty hit. Jake, her husband, sat at the table and had already started on his breakfast.

“Morning,” she mumbled. “Sorry I’m late.”

Jake glanced up from his scrambled eggs with a smirk. “We know why you overslept. Been doing the wild thing with Sloan’s playboy.”

“Jake!” Lindy put a world of remonstration into her husband’s name but it didn’t dampen his smirk.

“No,” Alice said. “We were discussing work.” The first thing that came into her mind.

Jake’s lips twitched. “Condoms. Care for some eggs and toast. Muesli?”

Alice met his gaze with difficulty. “I’m not hungry.” The truth. She’d lost her appetite. “And yes, we discussed condoms as part of our business meeting. Appropriate since Fancy Free sells condoms.”

Jake set his knife and fork across the center of his plate. He lifted his wrist to check his watch. “Hmm, I hope your company pays overtime for such a long meeting.”

Purchase Fancy Free from Ellora’s Cave or Amazon Kindle

To read more Snippet Saturday excerpts follow the links below:

Mari Carr
Shelley Munro
Vivian Arend
Taige Crenshaw
McKenna Jeffries
Lauren Dane
Shelli Stevens
Jody Wallace

The theme for today is Cheers and Drinking Toasts. Wouldn’t you know it? I couldn’t find a single one of my characters saying “cheers!” or offering a toast. But don’t fear – I did find a scene in Fancy Free where Alice, the heroine is trying out a few drinks, ones she hasn’t tasted before. After all, what better way to cap off a lousy and frustrating day?

Fancy Free by Shelley Munro

“Go easy. You’ll choke if you’re not careful. Here. Have some beer. It will soothe your throat.”

Alice eagerly accepted the glass of beer and chugged it down. “Tastes good.”

“I’ll get another one,” he said, his tone wry when she lifted his glass to her mouth again. “How the hell can you be an almost virgin? You either are or you aren’t.”

Horrified, she turned to stare at him. Oh my goodness. She’d told him. She’d really told him.

James gestured at the barman and ordered another beer before turning back to her with a grin. “So what’s the answer?”

“I refuse to tell.” Why would she bare her soul to him? He was practically a stranger. A sexy stranger, who if rumor could be believed—as per this morning’s paper anyway—had a parade of beautiful, leggy women strutting through his bedroom. Alice glanced down at her cloth-covered knees with a rueful sigh. No way did she qualify in the leg department.

James Bates wasn’t the right man for someone who wanted security. She had to remember that and try to ignore his pretty face and sexy smile.

Steven…ah, Steven didn’t seem to want her, or at least he refused to speak to her on the phone when she’d rung him at midday. She frowned. They’d dated for over a year. They had so much in common. Alice had thought she’d known him well and couldn’t believe his sulks. She wanted, needed, a partnership, someone she could rely on one hundred percent, a man who held the same values she did. A secure future with no financial hiccups. And a man who stood at her side—no matter what.

Alice picked up one of her glasses and peered at the dregs. She placed it back on the bar and picked up a gin and tonic. Steven had fallen down on the last item. She glanced at the man beside her. Nope, that man didn’t look like Steven.

James brushed against her arm when he shifted on his barstool and every one of her senses went on high alert. She smelled his citrus and spice aftershave and heard each one of his deep even breaths. A heavy sigh drifted past her lips while her gaze zapped back to study his sexy mouth and his sparkly blue eyes…

He was so pretty.

Oh boy. Eyes front. There was obviously something very wrong with her. Every inch of her skin tingled and her mind drifted to sex with alarming ease. She consoled herself with the fact that anything sexual rated as work-related. That sort of helped with her guilt except she kept fantasizing about sex with James. Close and very personal sex.

Somewhere, somehow during the day, she’d shoved Steven aside and replaced him with Mr. Dashing Dangerous. Her actions reminded her of a desperate woman. Heck, she was a desperate woman, a little voice in her head whispered. Alice straightened abruptly and wobbled on her barstool. Her arm and the outward curve of her breast brushed against his arm before she grabbed the bar and righted herself. The friction between their bodies set off a series of pleasurable explosions inside. Despite one audible pant, she attempted calm and cool. Mmm. Okay, that had never happened when Steven touched her.

Alice gulped and slowly looked across at James. Warmth and heat radiated from his eyes, and she wanted to bask in the masculine attention. Then she noticed the laughter and twinkle in his blue eyes and indignation surfaced.

“You’re laughing at me.” Alice drained the last of her gin and tonic and set the glass on the bar with a distinct clunk.

“No, I’m not,” he said. “What you see is admiration. Not every woman would take work at a condom company in her stride.”

“Oh.” Alice peered closely but his eyes moved across his face. All three of them. She winced when her head suddenly whirled around and around. With a shocked gasp, she screwed her eyes closed before opening them again.

“Are you okay?”

“Did you know you have three eyes?” Alice blinked. “All blue like the sky. And two noses. What on earth do you do with two noses? What do you do when you have a cold? How do you know which one to blow first?”

James leaned close to place his arm around her shoulders. “I think your parents named you well,” he murmured, a chuckle underlying his words. “You’re very curious.”

“Will you come back to the bed and breakfast with me?”

“Sure, I’ll walk you home. Make sure you get there safely.”

Alice attempted to focus on his middle eye. “No, I mean I’m tired of wondering what all the fuss is about. I want to learn the mysteries of sex.”

James glanced at his beer before he looked back at her. He hesitated before his mouth firmed as though he’d made a decision. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her lips puckered up into a pout, a seductive one, she hoped. Difficult to concentrate with that number of eyes. She had an argument ready to refute. She did. “But an owner of a condom company should know how to work the apparatus.” Yeah. Alice nodded abruptly and regretted it. It doubled the number of eyes. “There’s something wrong with your face. It keeps sprouting eyes. You’ve got six.”

His mouth twitched. “Do you drink very often?”

“Waz that got to do with eyes?”

“Absolutely nothing,” he agreed. “You ready to go home now?”

Alice checked her drinks. No whiskey left. No gin left. But the glasses. Ye gods. They had gone forth and multiplied. There were four of the blighters. She shuddered, the unpleasant taste of the whiskey still a recent memory. “Finished.”

“Let’s get you home then.” James jumped off his barstool and waited at her side. When Alice attempted to emulate his feat, she teetered, toppling sideways and ending up with her nose pressed into a muscular chest. Ooh! Very nice.

Purchase from Ellora’s Cave or Amazon Kindle

To read more Snippet Saturday excerpts follow these links:

Moira Rogers
Ashley Ladd
Shelley Munro
Taige Crenshaw
Lauren Dane
Leah Braemel
Jody Wallace
Mari Carr