Taste of Kiwi: Blog of Author Shelley Munro

The theme for this week is secondary characters. I love writing stories with secondary characters. They can say and do things the hero or heroine can’t. Secondary characters are also great for comic relief. Since I’m currently writing a follow up story to Fancy Free, this seemed like an obvious choice for my Snippet Saturday this week. And, for those of you who aren’t familiar with this story, Fancy Free is the story of Alice who inherits a condom factory.

Fancy Free by Shelley Munro

“Are you really all right, dear? You look a little flushed.” The knitting lady again.

Alice jerked back to the present to find every one of the six board members staring at her again plus the admin lady, and worst of all, the manager James Bates. He wore a grin, almost as if he knew what she’d fantasized about and relived only seconds ago.

Oh my. Steven was right. Her morals had fallen by the wayside. She was a wicked woman and was going to hell. Realizing she had yet to answer, Alice blurted, “Fine. I’m…ah…focused on the business.” And how. If she concentrated on sex and condoms any harder, she’d self-combust. An X-rated version of Alice in Wonderland. Who’d have guessed?

“How’s the security?” Richard Morgan asked. “Have we had any more breaches since we installed the security cameras on the roof?”

“The alarm hasn’t been tripped, but we’ve had a lot of problems on the production line recently. Missing supplies, and Scott, the floor manager, discovered someone had changed the settings on the packing machine. Most of the boxes packed this week went out one condom short. Of course we only found this out after they’d left the warehouse. We’ve had to recall them.”

“More money off the bottom line,” Sam Glengarry muttered, fingering his chin in a thoughtful manner. “Not good.”

“We’ll have to set up covert cameras on the floor.” Richard frowned. “I didn’t want to do that.”

“We’ll do what we have to,” Katarina stated. “Besides, I want to buy a red coupe with my next payout. Can’t do that if we don’t have profits.”

“Red?” Ben asked. “I’d get a black one. I heard on the radio today that the most desired car color in Britain is black.”

“Humph,” Katarina said. “It’s a bugger to keep clean. Fingerprints all over the paintwork. There’s nothing worse.”

“Can we get back to condoms?” James demanded with a trace of impatience.

Joseph Craig nodded, even though his mind was clearly on bonuses. “That’s a bit rough. Too much money invested in the X-100. We must sort out our security problems before the public gets wind of it. Can’t have the consumers’ confidence in the integrity of Fancy Free’s products dented.”

Everyone around the table nodded. The board moved on in discussions.

Rita Jamieson, the admin lady, produced a life-sized penis made of fiberglass from a padlocked wooden box, placed it on the table and competently rolled on a teal green condom with purple dots. Harriet Te Whare glanced up from her lime green and canary yellow knitting. “I’m not sure about the color selections.”

“Rubbish,” Ben Kumar stated. “Purple is the new black. I suppose we could have black dots since that color is so popular on cars.”

“Of course we’ll have several colors,” James said. “A matching palette. These are just two examples.”

“I’m more worried about the design.” Joseph Craig accepted the model from Rita and surveyed it from all angles. “And I’m still not sure about these dots. What have the people in the trials said about comfort?”

“The raised dots are fine. Do you have another one there, Rita?” Rita rolled a condom on a second penis model and handed it to James. He ran his fingers over the dots. “I’ve used it myself. See the way they move when I touch them? It’s like a mini massage when it’s in use.”

“But they’re much bigger than our regular raised dots model,” Joseph argued. “We need to use extra latex in the design because the dots are larger.”

“No. We have the right amount of latex. Pretend my hand is the woman’s vagina. See how the dots fan outward like tiny brushes?”

Alice stared, her mouth pursed in astonishment and partial shock as he showed the rest of the board how the new condom functioned. His fist acted as the woman’s vagina while he used his other hand to thrust and demonstrate how the raised dots worked. They didn’t bat an eyelid but paid close attention and asked intelligent questions. Alice leapt from one shock to another and learned more about the theory of sex and the practical application of condoms in the course of the day than she’d soaked up in all her twenty-five years.

But she managed to make it through the day. Just. It felt as though the heat controls of her body were firmly stuck on hot and fiery. Her mind drifted in the gutter with her supremely conscious of James Bates. Big and male, his crotch seemed level with her face for a good deal of the time while he stood to demonstrate various things for the board members. She had never felt so conscious of her body in her entire life. Her nipples felt more tender than normal, brushing with exquisite friction against the sturdy cotton bra she wore. She would never think about condoms and sex in the same way again. Never.

Purchase from Ellora’s Cave or Amazon Kindle

To read more Snippet Saturday excerpts follow the links below:

Shelley Munro
Vivian Arend
Taige Crenshaw
McKenna Jeffries
Lauren Dane
Ashley Ladd
Mari Carr
Lissa Matthews
TJ Michaels
Shelli Stevens
Jody Wallace

There’s no doubt about it – writing humor is difficult. Something I think is hysterical, you might consider only worthy of a yawn. What I think is funny might offend you. People who live in different parts of the world have different senses of humor. That said, there’s nothing better than reading a book that makes you laugh.

Our Snippet Saturday topic this week is characters interacting with humor. Reviewers often state my books contain humor and one that was particularly popular is Fancy Free. Just to get you all up to speed – Alice has inherited a condom company. She’s finding the condom business a bit different and, after her first day at work, she drinks more than she should when she visits the local pub. James, the company manager, escorts her home and ends up staying the night…

Oh, I should mention…there are a few naughty words ahead…

Fancy Free by Shelley Munro

“Ooh,” she murmured when she finally floated back into her body—because this had definitely been a wonderful out-of-body experience—and relaxed liked a cooked spaghetti noodle.

“Was it good for you?” James asked.

Alice belatedly remembered that she had and he hadn’t come. Tactful answer required. Guys, she’d heard from various gossipy sources, became a little tetchy when it came to sex and not getting any. Alice stared at his erect penis. It looked large and red and bad-tempered. It gave an angry twitch while she gawked.

“Um…” Alice glanced up to scan James’ face. “I…yes…” She stared. The man’s face screwed up as if he suffered great pain or else he—

The wretch was laughing at her. She tapped him sharply on one bulging biceps. “Yes, it was good for me,” she snapped. “Why are you laughing?”

A tentative knock sounded on the door and his laughter cut off abruptly. They glanced at each other in silent communication mode, Alice scrunching her brows together in answer to his raised brow.

“Alice? Are you awake? Breakfast is ready.”

She stared at the wooden door in horror. Had she made a lot of noise? Her gaze darted to James and he pantomimed for her to answer.

“I’m up. Won’t be long,” Alice called out. She strove for a woman-of-the-world tone, but her reply fell in the feeble, scared zone. It must have reassured Lindy because she heard receding footsteps before silence fell. She turned to stare at James.

He shook his head, a rueful grin on his lips. “Well, Ms. Beasley. You’re not the only one who’s up. A fine mess you’ve got us in this time.”

“Why is it my fault? I’ve heard you’re a playboy and a cad.” The minute she said the words she wanted to take them back.

“Ah, you’ve read Ms. Knowall’s column. You’re quite right. I am a playboy and a cad.” He stood and picked up his clothes, dressing with an elegance that she admired. “You should remember that and stay well away from me.”

“I’m sorry.” Obviously she’d said the wrong thing.

“No problem. I’ll see you at work.” He strode over to the door, opened it and stepped into the passage. A soft click sounded when he closed it.

Alice heard footsteps and then the murmur of voices. Color swept to her cheeks when she imagined what Lindy would think. If inheriting a condom company hadn’t already ruined her reputation, then she’d probably done the job now by letting James Bates, sexy bad boy, spend the night in her bedroom.

Alice climbed from the bed, self-conscious of her nakedness now. Avoiding her reflection in the mirror, she scuttled through to the small en suite and jumped under the shower, letting the water pour over her hair and face. Five minutes later, dressed in a gray trouser suit, she made her way into the kitchen for breakfast. The wooden table was set for three with floral placemats and coordinated napkins. A posy of spring flowers in the center of the table added to the Victorian theme. The rich scent of coffee floated in the air. Lindy Redcliff stood at the stove, spatula in hand, humming along to a top-forty hit. Jake, her husband, sat at the table and had already started on his breakfast.

“Morning,” she mumbled. “Sorry I’m late.”

Jake glanced up from his scrambled eggs with a smirk. “We know why you overslept. Been doing the wild thing with Sloan’s playboy.”

“Jake!” Lindy put a world of remonstration into her husband’s name but it didn’t dampen his smirk.

“No,” Alice said. “We were discussing work.” The first thing that came into her mind.

Jake’s lips twitched. “Condoms. Care for some eggs and toast. Muesli?”

Alice met his gaze with difficulty. “I’m not hungry.” The truth. She’d lost her appetite. “And yes, we discussed condoms as part of our business meeting. Appropriate since Fancy Free sells condoms.”

Jake set his knife and fork across the center of his plate. He lifted his wrist to check his watch. “Hmm, I hope your company pays overtime for such a long meeting.”

Purchase Fancy Free from Ellora’s Cave or Amazon Kindle

To read more Snippet Saturday excerpts follow the links below:

Mari Carr
Shelley Munro
Vivian Arend
Taige Crenshaw
McKenna Jeffries
Lauren Dane
Shelli Stevens
Jody Wallace

It’s been one of those days where absolutely nothing went right. It was a series of little things designed to send me mad and, on top of that, I had the concentration of a flea today. I couldn’t seem to sit still. I am obviously in need of a holiday, and luckily that day is fast approaching…

However, back to business!

Today, I’m very excited to visit Leontine’s Book Realm with Fancy Free. It’s my very first visit with Leontine, and I’m looking forward to it very much. I’m talking about fish-out-of-water stories and Alice in Wonderland. There’s also a giveaway of a download from my Ellora’s Cave or Cerridwen Press backlist for one lucky commenter. I hope you’ll pop over and say hello.

I’m also visiting Sasha White today and talking about my upcoming release, The Bottom Line. Comment on the post and go into a draw to win a copy of Soldier of Fortune. Here’s the link to Sasha’s blog.

I’m visiting Book Junkie today where I’m talking about my contemporary romance, Fancy Free, and where I get some of my ideas.

Fancy Free also has a great review.

Today I’m doing a guest post at The Rainbow Studio blog where I’m talking about the first gay romance I read. I’m also doing a guest blog at Alternative Read.com where I’m discussing Fancy Free and the use of condoms in romantic fiction. Should we or should we not have our heroes and heroines using condoms? Those who comment on my Alternative Read post will go into a draw to win a download from my Ellora’s Cave or Cerridwen Press backlist.

Warning: Condoms were tested and a few harmed during the writing of this story.

It’s not every day a girl inherits a condom company, and to say accountant Alice Beasley is astonished and out of her depth is putting it mildly. For an almost virgin, she needs a quick education in all things condom because her inheritance is in danger. Someone is intent on sabotage and playing nasty, trying to destroy her new company.

Alice is suddenly getting down and dirty with charismatic James, the factory manager, all in the name of business, testing new condom designs. The sex is hot. Mind-blowing. It’s a dark thrill and an erotic journey. Yeah, it’s a hard job, but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s gotta do.

The testing turns personal. Alice wants James. She craves his talented touch and sultry kisses, she desires passion and physical pleasure on a permanent basis but first she must convince bad-boy James to give up his fancy-free ways…

I’m doing a bit of a blog tour with one of my older releases, Fancy Free. Today I’m at I Do Not Want To Wait I Want The Book Now where I’m talking about Fancy Free and life in small towns.

Warning: Condoms were tested and a few harmed during the writing of this story.

It’s not every day a girl inherits a condom company, and to say accountant Alice Beasley is astonished and out of her depth is putting it mildly. For an almost virgin, she needs a quick education in all things condom because her inheritance is in danger. Someone is intent on sabotage and playing nasty, trying to destroy her new company.

Alice is suddenly getting down and dirty with charismatic James, the factory manager, all in the name of business, testing new condom designs. The sex is hot. Mind-blowing. It’s a dark thrill and an erotic journey. Yeah, it’s a hard job, but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s gotta do.

The testing turns personal. Alice wants James. She craves his talented touch and sultry kisses, she desires passion and physical pleasure on a permanent basis but first she must convince bad-boy James to give up his fancy-free ways…

I’m also doing my monthly column for The Raven Happy Hour where I ponder what aliens actually look like. Here’s the link to my post on What Do Aliens Look Like?

The theme for today is Cheers and Drinking Toasts. Wouldn’t you know it? I couldn’t find a single one of my characters saying “cheers!” or offering a toast. But don’t fear – I did find a scene in Fancy Free where Alice, the heroine is trying out a few drinks, ones she hasn’t tasted before. After all, what better way to cap off a lousy and frustrating day?

Fancy Free by Shelley Munro

“Go easy. You’ll choke if you’re not careful. Here. Have some beer. It will soothe your throat.”

Alice eagerly accepted the glass of beer and chugged it down. “Tastes good.”

“I’ll get another one,” he said, his tone wry when she lifted his glass to her mouth again. “How the hell can you be an almost virgin? You either are or you aren’t.”

Horrified, she turned to stare at him. Oh my goodness. She’d told him. She’d really told him.

James gestured at the barman and ordered another beer before turning back to her with a grin. “So what’s the answer?”

“I refuse to tell.” Why would she bare her soul to him? He was practically a stranger. A sexy stranger, who if rumor could be believed—as per this morning’s paper anyway—had a parade of beautiful, leggy women strutting through his bedroom. Alice glanced down at her cloth-covered knees with a rueful sigh. No way did she qualify in the leg department.

James Bates wasn’t the right man for someone who wanted security. She had to remember that and try to ignore his pretty face and sexy smile.

Steven…ah, Steven didn’t seem to want her, or at least he refused to speak to her on the phone when she’d rung him at midday. She frowned. They’d dated for over a year. They had so much in common. Alice had thought she’d known him well and couldn’t believe his sulks. She wanted, needed, a partnership, someone she could rely on one hundred percent, a man who held the same values she did. A secure future with no financial hiccups. And a man who stood at her side—no matter what.

Alice picked up one of her glasses and peered at the dregs. She placed it back on the bar and picked up a gin and tonic. Steven had fallen down on the last item. She glanced at the man beside her. Nope, that man didn’t look like Steven.

James brushed against her arm when he shifted on his barstool and every one of her senses went on high alert. She smelled his citrus and spice aftershave and heard each one of his deep even breaths. A heavy sigh drifted past her lips while her gaze zapped back to study his sexy mouth and his sparkly blue eyes…

He was so pretty.

Oh boy. Eyes front. There was obviously something very wrong with her. Every inch of her skin tingled and her mind drifted to sex with alarming ease. She consoled herself with the fact that anything sexual rated as work-related. That sort of helped with her guilt except she kept fantasizing about sex with James. Close and very personal sex.

Somewhere, somehow during the day, she’d shoved Steven aside and replaced him with Mr. Dashing Dangerous. Her actions reminded her of a desperate woman. Heck, she was a desperate woman, a little voice in her head whispered. Alice straightened abruptly and wobbled on her barstool. Her arm and the outward curve of her breast brushed against his arm before she grabbed the bar and righted herself. The friction between their bodies set off a series of pleasurable explosions inside. Despite one audible pant, she attempted calm and cool. Mmm. Okay, that had never happened when Steven touched her.

Alice gulped and slowly looked across at James. Warmth and heat radiated from his eyes, and she wanted to bask in the masculine attention. Then she noticed the laughter and twinkle in his blue eyes and indignation surfaced.

“You’re laughing at me.” Alice drained the last of her gin and tonic and set the glass on the bar with a distinct clunk.

“No, I’m not,” he said. “What you see is admiration. Not every woman would take work at a condom company in her stride.”

“Oh.” Alice peered closely but his eyes moved across his face. All three of them. She winced when her head suddenly whirled around and around. With a shocked gasp, she screwed her eyes closed before opening them again.

“Are you okay?”

“Did you know you have three eyes?” Alice blinked. “All blue like the sky. And two noses. What on earth do you do with two noses? What do you do when you have a cold? How do you know which one to blow first?”

James leaned close to place his arm around her shoulders. “I think your parents named you well,” he murmured, a chuckle underlying his words. “You’re very curious.”

“Will you come back to the bed and breakfast with me?”

“Sure, I’ll walk you home. Make sure you get there safely.”

Alice attempted to focus on his middle eye. “No, I mean I’m tired of wondering what all the fuss is about. I want to learn the mysteries of sex.”

James glanced at his beer before he looked back at her. He hesitated before his mouth firmed as though he’d made a decision. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her lips puckered up into a pout, a seductive one, she hoped. Difficult to concentrate with that number of eyes. She had an argument ready to refute. She did. “But an owner of a condom company should know how to work the apparatus.” Yeah. Alice nodded abruptly and regretted it. It doubled the number of eyes. “There’s something wrong with your face. It keeps sprouting eyes. You’ve got six.”

His mouth twitched. “Do you drink very often?”

“Waz that got to do with eyes?”

“Absolutely nothing,” he agreed. “You ready to go home now?”

Alice checked her drinks. No whiskey left. No gin left. But the glasses. Ye gods. They had gone forth and multiplied. There were four of the blighters. She shuddered, the unpleasant taste of the whiskey still a recent memory. “Finished.”

“Let’s get you home then.” James jumped off his barstool and waited at her side. When Alice attempted to emulate his feat, she teetered, toppling sideways and ending up with her nose pressed into a muscular chest. Ooh! Very nice.

Purchase from Ellora’s Cave or Amazon Kindle

To read more Snippet Saturday excerpts follow these links:

Moira Rogers
Ashley Ladd
Shelley Munro
Taige Crenshaw
Lauren Dane
Leah Braemel
Jody Wallace
Mari Carr

This shot was taken at our local Botanic Gardens. Mr. Munro and I don’t get there as often these days, now that the little dog is gone, but it’s a lovely outing for a Sunday morning.

In New Zealand news, an Invercargill woman was fined $275 for disorderly behavior after she flashed her boobs at motorists and caused an accident.

Mr. Munro has just learned he might have to go to work in Wellington for two weeks early next year, and I’ll get to go with him. Wellington is at the bottom of the North Island, and it will be a nice break from Auckland. I might even get some writing done. I’m finding it hard going this month with all the other Christmas distractions. I definitely want to visit the Day in Pompeii exhibition at Te Papa museum and we’re thinking we might do a quick trip to the South Island if time permits.

In book news, I have three more Ellora’s Cave titles available in the Kindle format: Fringe Benefits, Fallen Idol and Fancy Free are now on sale. Whisk out your credit cards and grab your copies today!

If you’re a writer, how is your writing coming along with all the Christmas razzmatazz? And readers, are you managing to relax a little with some of your favourite books?

A couple of weeks ago I purchased an item manufactured by Durex. It proved faulty, and I couldn’t find a consumer address on the packaging. My next move was to go to the Durex website where I found a contact address. On Sunday I emailed their customer contact address with all the relevant details. And no, I’m not telling you what the product was—suffice to say I write erotic romance and like to do my own research! On Monday morning at 9.00 am, I received a response. They apologized and offered to replace the faulty product. On Thursday, I received my replacement item plus a few freebies. This is excellent customer service, and I’m impressed. I will happily continue to research Durex products (the inspiration for my contemporary romance, Fancy Free, which is about a woman who inherits a condom factory.)

Throughout my working life, I’ve held jobs that dealt with the public: a bank, a pub, an accountant and administration. In my last job as administration for the local McDonald’s franchisee, it was my job to field telephone complaints and write letters to customers who had problems with their McDonald’s experience. I know what it is like on the other side, and quite frankly, there were some horrid, rude customers who were completely unreasonable. Because of my experience, I’m very sensitive to customer service. While I expect good service, I try not to take out my frustration or a bad mood on hapless shop assistants. I smile and say thank you to the guys who pack my groceries. I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of an unreasonable rant.

I actually think that customer service has declined in a lot of businesses here in New Zealand. I don’t know why this is, but there are times where I lose patience and will walk away to spend my hard-earned money elsewhere.

In CatNap, book eight of my Middlemarch Mates series, brother and sister Rohan and Ambar Patel run the family grocery store. (They consequently sell it and move to a new grocery story in Middlemarch) The cornerstone of their business is customer service. Their strict parents have taught them that the customer is king and this is the way they run their business, going the extra mile to please their customers. Good customer service works for them.

What do you think about customer service? Is it better than it used to be or worse? Do you have any experiences to share?

Today’s theme for Snippet Saturday is heroine seduction (fail). My excerpt is from my Ellora’s Cave story, Fancy Free. It isn’t a failure exactly, but it’s not a success either.

As always, to read other snippets on the circuit follow the links below my excerpt.

Fancy Free by Shelley Munro

Alice hesitated for so long he thought he might have frightened her or pushed her too hard and fast. Finally she released her bottom lip and the pale column of her throat moved when she swallowed. “I want to explore your body,” she whispered. “I want to know what you like.” Her warm hand squeezed his ass again, the innocent touch a heated reverberation throughout his entire body.
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