My guest today is Lorelei James who writes hot and spicy contemporary stories for Samhain Publishing.
Lorelei didn’t really have much of a choice about visiting my blog today. In fact I told her I’d stalk her if she didn’t agree to a guest spot. *looking over shoulder* Heck, I might do it anyway because I’m a real fan-girl. My favorites are the western contemporaries with their delicious alpha heroes who know lots of um…interesting things.
Today Lorelei is discussing office Christmas parties, and we’d love to hear about your experiences. There are two downloads up for grabs from Lorelei’s backlist. One will go to a random commenter and the other will go to the person with the best “I wish I wouldn’t have done that/or seen that” office Christmas story.
Don’t forget to check back in the comments section the next day to see if you’re a winner.
Office Christmas Parties – Or Why I Didn’t Get A Bonus This Year
It’s that time of year when people are talking about family holiday traditions. The joys of being with the ones you love, decorating, baking cookies, singing carols, Christmas shopping, watching the wee little faces shine on Christmas morning when they see what Santa left under the tree. All that happy, gooey, Hallmark card moment stuff. Which is all good and well, but I’m gonna address another tradition: the annual holiday office party, in all it’s bitchy, drunken glory.
Now that I work from home, alone, I miss out on a party of my own. Seems pointless to throw myself an office party, which is just a damn crying shame, because it would be an opportunity for me to buy myself a killer “secret Santa” gift, purchase a pretty beaded Christmas outfit complete with kick-ass boots, eat all the finger food I like, imbibe freely in the booze I like, thereby giving me the liquid courage to tell myself exactly what I think of myself – that I’m a slave-driver, a low-wage payer, a demanding boss who wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for the minions like me toiling in the trenches.
Sound familiar? I hope not. But I’ve been there, done that. Every. Damn. Year.
My husband and his brother and sister-in-law are the owners of their business, aka, the “big” bosses. So in December, without fail, they host an official Christmas party (no “holiday” party out here in the Wild West, because we’re all pretty much Christian and there’s no reason to be politically correct, we are a “red” state after all – meaning redneck state) where we have to get dressed up and make merry with their employees and significant others at an upscale restaurant. Don’t get me wrong, these people work hard all year long, they deserve a prime rib buffet. But do they deserve an open bar? Where the primary goal is to drink as much free booze as possible so they can…be as insulting as possible to the folks who write their paychecks? Before those bosses decide the amounts of their annual bonuses?
Ho Ho Ho.
This scenario is always good fodder for writers – sort of our version of What Not To Wear – What Not To Tell Your Boss’ Wife. And it’s amazing what people will tell me, unprovoked. Honestly. Did I need to know about a member of the art department who was so wasted she’s crawled up the wall trying to find the door out? Hearing about another artist, whose girlfriend is a stripper, offering lap dances? Or the ménage fantasies/realities? Hearing about a certain employee’s husband’s tattooed penis in all its barber poll glory? The fist fights in the parking lot? The broken bones from running from the bouncers at another bar after all the free drink tickets were used up?
Can’t make this stuff up. Or in my case, once in a while, if you can’t beat them, join them. And yes, I’m fully aware of the time I imbibed a bit too much and challenged some twenty-something guys who work for my hubby to a tequila shooting contest. Then I followed up that challenge by drinking jager-bombs. (I’m a suburban housewife? What was I thinking?)
Yeah. The boss’ wife was might popular that particular year – with everyone except the boss!
Ever had that happen to you? Ever sipped a bit too much spiked eggnog and thrown up on the boss’ shoes? Or worse, stuck your foot in your mouth and had to face the not-so-happy music Monday morning?
Come on people, share those stories, it’ll say just between us, I promise 
Lorelei James
www.loreleijames.com
You know, I hear about these things, I see such things on movies and yet somehow I always thought people were exaggerating
I haven’t actually worked in an office big enough to throw a big holiday bash in nearly a decade now. And when I did, the lawyers I worked for must have been trying to avoid the scenarios you are describing because we had ONE hour to “party” and at the end of that that time they flashed the lights to let us know it was time to get out. I kid you not.
Their own party was a different story apparently but I wasn’t invited to that one!!
Have a great time at your party this year and don’t forget to take a camera along! BWHAHAHAHAHA
by Jenyfer Matthews December 14th, 2007 at 12:08 amI’ve never seen the kind of stuff you’re talking about. Like the lady above my post, I’ve seen it on tv/movies, but never experienced it. I’m an educator, so I guess that dictates that people don’t get crazy at stuff like that. I do remember one Christmas years ago when my dad was so blasted that my brother and I carried him upstairs. I loved your latest and hope soon for others in your western series.
by Laura K December 14th, 2007 at 5:20 amI have never worked in an office, but like toe previous two posts, have seen it in movies and on tv.
by Estella December 14th, 2007 at 5:38 ami work in an office and have for years but since we have our xmas party on site with no booze in site we don’t have situations like that lol. Might be fun to watch especially since I don’t drink much if any .
by Pamk December 14th, 2007 at 6:48 amJenyfer - maybe you should be glad you weren’t invited - all the wild stuff going on :)
Laura - thanks for stopping by…that’s why I’ll be scarce today, frantically trying to finish COWGIRL UP AND RIDE, Cord’s story. I saw my mom drunk once. My dad? well, let’s just say, not so unusual!
Estella, while the situation is happening, the thought running through my head is “Is this real? No one would really hit a guy in the mouth for looking at his wife wrong?” Then blood spurts.
Pam, the no booze rule is good. I’m suggesting that to my hubby for next year.
I’ll be back later!
by Lorelei James December 14th, 2007 at 7:35 amsorry to say nooo, but I cant imagine what the next day was like. I have had a migrain though taken my meds, and promptly told off people I would normally not tell off just because they were in my space…does that count lol. :
by tina brunelle December 14th, 2007 at 8:19 amI have worked in an office where there was drinking and a few of the ladies got drunk. The next stop after the dinner and drinking was: bowling (go figure) where there was more drinking. It was actually very funny watching them throw the bowling ball through their legs. Sing with the loud music. Unfortunately the music was loud enough to drown out their singing. They were jumping up and down all over the place. Also while bowling they were dancing to the music and trust me after a few drinks they really couldn’t dance.
There were a few of us that kind of pretended we really didn’t know these people but we did have some good laughs.
by Larena Wirum December 14th, 2007 at 10:17 amActually it’s the Big Bosses that usually make jackasses of themselves at Christmas parties.
They drink all afternoon and then come to the party loaded, their wives not impressed at all.
It’s enjoyable for us lowly workers. We get to enjoy a really nice expensive dinner.
And NO I don’t tell the bosses wife the weird stuff that goes on.
Unless she asks what her husband has been up to. 
by Amy Ruttan December 14th, 2007 at 10:26 amI should say that it usually involves drinking and gambling. That’s the only dirt I know about my bosses.
by Amy Ruttan December 14th, 2007 at 10:26 amOh, I can totally get with you on these parties. We just had our county party last week and working for the government (one that is racially charged and politically in the toilet), you can just imagine the stress these people are under. Last year, one employee deciding it was a perfect opportunity to get drunk on her bosses and proceeded to spill every little secret and skeleton about SEVERAL elected offices to this ‘cute guy’ that hung on her every word. Haha, imagine her surprise the next week when she opened the newspaper to find the front page headline reading “SCANDALS IN GOVERNMENT”. Her ‘cute guy’ turned out to be a reporter from the local paper and he spilled every one of her racy comments to the public….including the one about a certain married official sleeping with half his office staff (and not the female ones either.)
Oh the memories…haha!
by Kristal S December 14th, 2007 at 11:59 amI haven’t been to a Christmas party for an office in AGES! And when I did, sadly, I was probably one of the better behaved. Since I was the DD!
But I love watching others just go nuts. It’s fun and I enjoy hearing the crazy stories out of their mouths! I’m not a TMI girl
by Shelli Stevens December 14th, 2007 at 12:40 pmWhile I was working, I was “expected” to attend the Christmas party with my dh in tow. I used to hate them. There would always be that really annoying gaggle of women who took over the music selections and played nothing with a decent tune to dance to, the boss who always drank too much and got a little grabby, and the boss’s wife, who drank too much and told dirty jokes and who would laugh hysterically until she fell off her chair. Then I would be assigned to assist her to the ladies room and wait for her until she sobered up??! Which was like never. Which then left my hubby sitting alone, listening to wacked out music and pretening to actually listen to my boss tell all about his latest golf game. Nope, not missing those days at all!
by Cathy M December 14th, 2007 at 12:54 pmMy office parties were very staid dinners where I used to hope like heck fate didn’t seat me beside the boss! I came to the conclusion that accountants had boring parties, but from what I hear, the partner’s party was VERY lively and resulted in lots of interesting gossip. And hangovers the next day. Rumor said the boy’s fishing parties were interesting.
Hubby’s Christmas party was last night and I didn’t go because I hurt my back and spent the evening at home feeling sorry for myself. I’ll have to ask him for the gossip when he gets home from work, but their parties are normally fun and pretty laid back.
by Shelley Munro December 14th, 2007 at 1:30 pmCathy - your parties babysitting the boss’ wife don’t sound like much fun!
Kristal - Wow, I bet that caused a few ripples. Did she lose her job?
Larena - Oh, yeah. Drunken singing. I remember a little of that at one party. I’d forgotten about the party with the karaoke machine…
by Shelley Munro December 14th, 2007 at 1:34 pmI wish it had been karaoke. It wasn’t. They were falling down trying to bowl. I think one even managed to follow the ball down the lane a short way. Also did I mention that this was the boss and an associate?
by Larena Wirum December 14th, 2007 at 1:54 pmMORE than a few ripples, Shelley. She was put on administrative leave w/o pay but through a court case she was reinstated with backpay because the judge said ‘it wasn’t anything someone could have not found out elsewhere’. (It just came out sooner with her gossip. :D ) She ended up leaving just after she came back however….to go and work for the newspaper. (Go figure…LOL)
by Kristal S December 14th, 2007 at 1:59 pmJust popping in to wave hello at Lorelei. Please don’t throw any prizes my way. Unless they are chocolate, or time with my masseuse.
by Susan Helene Gottfried December 14th, 2007 at 2:01 pmKristal, omigod - can I steal…I mean borrow that story :) you can’t make stuff up like that!
Waving back at Susan
Larena the bowling story reminds me of one that happened to a friend of mine two weeks ago. Her dh is in the service and they had their company party at…you guessed it, a bowling alley. They had to pair up with someone BESIDES their spouse…and throw the ball between their legs. She got the ADMIRAL. Oy, she said he had a really high release for some reason, so every time his wrist hit her in the crotch
Shelley - sad that you weren’t feeling well…
Cathy M- years ago when I worked at Perkins we had an “office party” and played bands like The Cure, Suicidal Tendencies, Ratt, Poison, Dokken…quite a few of the older folks weren’t amused. But I promise being the wife of the big “boss” I’ve never had anyone babysit me, but I did have quite a few of them tell me my erotic stories made them blush and look at my hubby differently
by Lorelei James December 14th, 2007 at 2:50 pmFeel free to ‘borrow’ away, Lorelei. I’ve been wanting to do MS based on the story where the government worker ended up with the newspaper reporter at the end, but with my job, I can’t risk it. :) Enjoy!
by Kristal S December 14th, 2007 at 5:14 pmMy past office parties were pretty tame. One year though I made one mistake I regretted. One of my friends had brought her father to the party and he seemed rather lonely so sister (who was my date) and I felt sorry for him. My friend told us he loves to dance so we asked him if he wanted to dance. We regretted it afterwards because she neglected to tell us he was an awful dancer and once we invited him to dance we had to dance with him for the rest of the night.
by Cherie J December 14th, 2007 at 5:37 pm“Hearing about another artist, whose girlfriend is a stripper, offering lap dances?” hahaha! I can’t say I can think of anything I’ve done at a party that I regret. Maybe when I was younger, but I can’t remember back that far. I keep the drinking to two max so I control myself.
by Kim December 14th, 2007 at 10:15 pmI have never experienced the type of situation you mentioned. The type of Christmas are just the traditional where we have at one co-worker’s house and bring a dish and a white elephant gift. It’s quite fun though. Actually, we had our Christmas party day, and we just shared our best, sad, memorable Christmas memories. It was quite interesting.
by Amelia December 14th, 2007 at 10:47 pmThe winner’s name is coming…
by Shelley Munro December 16th, 2007 at 12:16 amSorry for the delay everyone! And the winners are:
Kristal S and Cathy M
Email me at shelley munro @ gmail .com (no spaces) with the title of the Lorelei James download you’d like and the format.
Congrats again!
by Shelley Munro December 17th, 2007 at 11:52 amThanks Shelley, I have had Lorelei’s new series on my wish list, so this is a great treat.
by Cathy M December 17th, 2007 at 4:30 pmOh wow! This is a great treat! Thanks Shelley and Lorelei!
by Kristal S December 17th, 2007 at 4:32 pm