Today’s guest blogger is Beth Williamson. I’ll admit I’m a new convert to Beth’s books having only discovered them this year, but I’ve turned into a big fan of the Malloy family series after a yearning to read some western historical books led me in her direction. And, I have her Devils on Horseback series to look forward to next, which I’m quietly excited about. Beth’s latest releases are Branded (in e-format) and Devils on Horseback: Nate (print format). Both books are available from Samhain Publishing, and of course you can buy Nate’s story from your favorite bookstore.
Beth is talking about something many of you’ll be familiar with - sons.
And for today’s prize - Everyone who posts a comment will go into the draw to win a download from Shelley’s New Concepts Publishing backlist. (The winner’s name will be announced in the comments section so don’t forget to go back and check to see if you’re a winner)
Yes, it’s a monster
When you become a parent, people love to regale you with stories about how terrible the two’s are or how hard it is to let them to go kindergarten. What they don’t tell you about boys, is when they become teenagers, it’s like they transform from the sweet child you knew to a schizophrenic monster.
I swear to God, it’s true. *holds up three fingers* Scout’s honor.
Oh, it began innocently enough, with a few sassy comments here and there, and an occasional dirty pile of clothes in the bathroom. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you, it is the TIP of the iceberg. Literally.
Life as I know it has become a slippery slope. I’m never really certain who will come downstairs in the morning, the charming young man or the monster that lives on the second floor. The charmer smiles and kids around as he eats half the kitchen. The monster (shudder) snarls and snaps, then eats everything he can lay his hands on.
The other morning, he came downstairs before his shower and snapped. “I’m too hungry. I’ve got to eat something.” Then proceeded to eat an enormous muffin (ya know, the BJ’s size?), a biscuit with eggs, sausage and cheese and a granola bar.
Snack over (seriously y’all) he headed back upstairs to shower, only to return twenty minutes later and eat again. Another muffin, a soda, string cheese and a biscuit and he’s off to school. Ye gods, that’s just breakfast. He packs an entire paper sack full of food and takes it with him. Now you know why I shop at BJ’s right?
Then there’s the mercurial mood swings. Oh yeah, they’re sweet and so unexpected. Laughing one minute, frowning and cursing (Yes, he’s said many things he shouldn’t). Something small like asking him to pick up his enormous pile of dirty clothes from the bathroom floor, he pretends not to see them, and I get “Thanks Mom, you just ruined my day. Thanks so much.” Said with much snotty rancor, I assure you.
People tell me he’s so charming and interesting, what a wonderful boy. Ha! They haven’t seen him with his lips pinched as he resists the urge to pound his brother (who weights at least 50 pounds less), or the sarcastic snothead who gives me lip about taking the trash out.
Oh no, they don’t tell you that teenage boys are just as bad as teenage girls. Instead of tears, I get enough sarcasm to fill a fifty ton ship. Instead of make-up and perfume, I get thirty minute showers and “I have to have Axe deodorant.”
And clothes? Yes, the clothes are almost as bad as girls. Hollister, American Eagle and the like. Stores I Have to shop in where the music is so loud I have to shout, and damn they make me feel old. Ancient even.
The good news is, he’s almost 16 and will be better in another year or two. Praise be to every diety on the planet.
The bad news is, his younger brother is gearing up for round two. He’s nearly twelve and poised at the edge of the psychosis I call teenage years.
No wonder I write romance novels. I must escape the insane hordes somehow.
Oh good! Something to look forward to! My son is only five and already leaving his laundry lying around and eating me out of house and home!!
by Jenyfer Matthews December 11th, 2007 at 12:11 amHaving raised two sons and two daughters I can sympathize with you Beth!
by Estella December 11th, 2007 at 5:33 amI really enjoy your books.
I have two boys, 8 & 3, and you’ve just made me sob…
by Wylie December 11th, 2007 at 5:40 amSeriously, I’m already seeing signs of sarcasm and monster behaviour in the 8 year old.
Gee, I wonder where he gets his sarcasm from…
Jenyfer ~ LOL! Well, perhaps he’ll learn early to pick up his dirty drawers. I let it slip and now they seem to multiply when I’m not looking.
by Beth Williamson December 11th, 2007 at 6:37 amEstella ~ Thanks so much sweetie!
Wylie ~ Gads, you are just like me, a short break between one and then the other joins in the fun. The good news is, they don’t want to talk to you most of the time. So it’s either quiet or the sound of constant chewing. LMAO!
And smooches to Shelley. I’ve been a fan of hers for a while. She’s amazing!!
by Beth Williamson December 11th, 2007 at 6:37 amOMG my darling 8yr old is headed that way!!! Ack! What am I going to do? LOL. Smooches to you Beth and thank you for sharing this with us so that we can really be prepared . . . it would come as a grave shock otherwise.
And I really have to check out your books, they sound delicious!
by Red December 11th, 2007 at 7:51 amI raised 2 girls, they were the best kids. Now both of them have boys, they must take after their dads. I don’t know how they get through a day without pulling out their hair.
by Tammy G. December 11th, 2007 at 8:22 amDon’t have any children, but does having a classroom count? All that male energy gave me fits at times! I absolutely LOVE your Malloys, Beth. I’m so glad I walked into my local Borders one day last year and found them.
by Laura K December 11th, 2007 at 8:37 amRed ~ Yes, best be prepared so you aren’t caught off-guard like me. Kind of like gearing up with body armor. LOL! Thanks - if you enjoy cowboys, I’m your girl. Yeehaw!
Hell yes the classroom counts - my BIL teaches middle school math. I don’t know how he does it!
by Beth Williamson December 11th, 2007 at 8:44 amTammy G ~ LOL on your daughters. Made of tough stuff - have to be with boys. Hee hee.
Laura K ~ *smooch* You’re wonderful! Thank you so much.
Don’t wash and iron his clothes if they’re not in the dirty clothes box. When a girlfriend kicks him out of bed because his panties can stand on their own, he will learn.
by Gabriele December 11th, 2007 at 8:50 amHi Beth!!
Yep…….sounds like my house too!! My 14 year old ds is worse than my 20 year old dd…….she is just moody and sloppy so I just shut her bedroom door and pray we don’t have a fire or earthquake!
Ds is very “GQ” and is incredibly picky about what he wears and how his hair looks……drives me crazy!!
by Blanche December 11th, 2007 at 10:26 amGabriele ~ LMAO!
by Beth Williamson December 11th, 2007 at 10:58 amBlanche ~ Hey there darlin’! Oh, the hair. I didn’t even go there. My DS is fanatical about those blond locks. He takes more time to get ready in the morning than I do!
LOL - I just loved this post. I don’t have any children but I’ve seen my sister-in-law go through this. Her fridge is always empty and now they’re both in their twenties she’s wondering if they’re ever going to leave. Sometimes they’ll go flatting. It will be all nice and peaceful at home - just her and hubby - then, wham! they’re back with all their furniture, emptying the fridge again!
Beth - smooches right back. Thanks!
Gabriele -
Good one!
by Shelley Munro December 11th, 2007 at 11:13 amShelley ~ *gasp* You mean they come BACK after they leave the nest?
by Beth Williamson December 11th, 2007 at 12:51 pmLoved your post. I’m actually going through that right now. My teenage boy can’t fill himself up. The kitchen always looks like a tornado went through, it was just him making himself something to eat every 20 minutes!
by Huguette English December 11th, 2007 at 1:46 pmHuguette ~ Ah, a sister in teenage-son-dom! I’m glad to know you’re out there. We can compare grocery bills. LOL!
by Beth Williamson December 11th, 2007 at 3:31 pmBeth…
you’re sure trying to convince a gal without kids not to have any… LOL!!!
by Rhonda aka SandDanz December 11th, 2007 at 3:42 pmLOL - Rhonda, I’m with you. This does seem a good argument for not having kids
by Shelley Munro December 11th, 2007 at 4:00 pmHey Beth .. grocery bills .. aghh .. can’t keep up lol
by Huguette English December 11th, 2007 at 4:36 pmI have seen this with my sister-in-laws kids. I have a 4 year old boy and a 1 year old girl and I am not looking forward to the teenage years.
by Cherie J December 11th, 2007 at 5:52 pmOur son, who is now a sergeant in the airborne infantry and recently sired a son of his own, was sandwiched between two sisters with his father away for long periods of time. (He used to complain sadly that even the dog and the cat were female) A climber and a wanderer, we never knew where he was and had to buy him a pocket sized street directory when the police bought him home the second time (he’d got lost and knew enough to go to the nearest policeman).
by Amy Gallow December 11th, 2007 at 6:08 pmHis temper was more a matter of frustration with his sisters and its outlet was physical activity rather words and his sense of humor skewed enough to be fascinating and wry rather than hurtful. I can identify with the food consumption and general untidiness, but Michael would happily have worn the same clothes, day in-day out (which makes him perfect for the military)
I too love westerns and will check out your work.
Amy
Rhonda & Shelley ~ Hey, it’s all worth it. The pain, the laughter, the craziness. I wouldn’t trade one second of my life with my boys. I love them with everything I am.
by Beth Williamson December 11th, 2007 at 6:12 pmCherie ~ Perhaps you’ll be blessed with beautiful, wonderful teenagers. One can hope, eh? LOL!
Amy ~ Sounds like you have a wonderful son - you are truly blessed!
Great topic, Beth. I was lucky (sort of), to have twins that could mumble and complain to each other, often, and get thru the hell years together. I was always kind of grateful, at least after the fact, lol, that even though I had two boys, I only had to go thru that once. And it does get better, I swear.
by Cathy M December 11th, 2007 at 6:13 pmI don’t have any kids. I guess that is something to look forward to if I do have kids. NOT!
Thanks for the post.
by Amelia December 11th, 2007 at 8:56 pmOMG this post is hilarious! Tho kind of scary since my darling boy has just turned 13 and so far (apart from suddenly taking 20 minutes in the shower instead of his usual 2 and half!) he’s still my ray of sunlight. Ha ha she says hopefully! I had angst in spades from daughter #1 from the age of eighteen months, so maybe she just toughtened me up!!
by Christina Phillips December 11th, 2007 at 9:22 pmoops PS - yes they DO come back after leaving home - my eldest daughter has left and returned twice, and my younger daughter has left and returned once!
by Christina Phillips December 11th, 2007 at 9:23 pmAh, just one son here, but he has the sweetest personality but the sloppiest ever.
He was away to college and we begged him to do his room before he left but we got him gone to school and for two weeks we tackled his room while he was gone (while he started making a mess in his now dorm room. His roommate is exactly the same as him, ohmygosh). My son came home for the Thanksgiving break and I swear, he left and his room looks like before he left the first time. I have been putting it off since because he is coming home for Christmas, but I really do give up, there’s no way to get through him with his room.
Sorry I needed to vent, so glad I’m not alone! I know that’s not helping but I needed you to know what you might need to expect after they finish highschool.
by Cathie December 11th, 2007 at 11:11 pmMy two nephews haven’t reached their teens yet, and are real neatniks, take after their father. But they are very particular about their clothes and how their hair is cut. The younger one spends hours getting ready in the morning; last week he sneaked into his father’s expensive cologne, even put it under his arms, lol.
by Pam P December 12th, 2007 at 2:54 amteens hygene is optional to them eww!! have two boy and girl they both think its optional….scary thought huh they do grow out of it!! true they do….my girl is 17 finally loves soap… lol
by Tina brunelle December 12th, 2007 at 4:10 amY’all are wonderful and so funny. I hope the tale o’ my monster didn’t scare any potential parents (I swear my DS seems to be exceptional in just about everything, including being a teenager).
by Beth Williamson December 12th, 2007 at 6:14 amHave a wonderful fabulous day and thank you again to Shelley for the guest blog opportunity. I LOLd all day long.
Hello Beth,
I just finished reading Devils on Horseback: Nate and I loved it! I can’t wait for Jake’s story, as well as the other devils.
Blessings,
by Rhonda Barnes December 12th, 2007 at 9:21 amRhonda :)
Hi Rhonda! Yay! I’m so glad you liked Nate’s story. Woohoo! Jake’s story is in edits right now, my sweet charming redheaded thief.
by Beth Williamson December 12th, 2007 at 10:44 amThanks so much!!
Congratulations Rhonda aka SandDanz. You’re the winner of a download from my New Concepts Publishing backlist.
http://www.newconceptspublishing.com/shelleymunro.htm
Email me at shelley munro @gmail.com (no spaces) and let me know which one you’d like and if you’d like pdf or html formats. (They’re the only formats I have)
Congrats again!
by Shelley Munro December 12th, 2007 at 11:36 amWOO HOO!!! I won! *happy dance*
Speaking of dance… I gotta go teach it. I’ll email when I get home! :)
Thank you!
by Rhonda aka SandDanz December 12th, 2007 at 4:46 pmOMG Lorlei you just freaked me out. My 2 year old son (I call him Sumo) eats as much as his four year old sister. He’s going never stop eating when he hits the teen years.
My mother always said she wished I’d have a girl so when she was a teen I’d go through what I put her through, I just didn’t figure it would happen to the boys. I thought he was golden ticket.
Guess I better start shopping at Costco. ;)
Fun post!!
by Amy Ruttan December 14th, 2007 at 10:22 am